I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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