I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone came in the potted fern
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
