Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
