She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
