His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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