Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
