matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
