Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
