So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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