i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
