My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
