k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We need to get me chipped asap
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
