I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
