he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
