thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
