Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Life is so much better after having sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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