If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
