hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's shark week go big or go home
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
