I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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