I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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