she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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