6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
