I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do vagina's smell?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
