Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
