Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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