i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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