as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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