p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it's great music for shaving your balls
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
