He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
