i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
