I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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