if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
