She's JV to your varsity
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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