I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
