I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
