Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
