What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
