And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
