K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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