Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
