Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
