fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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