i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
