I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am available for nakedness
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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