Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
