I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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