Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
