she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
