I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she told me i tasted like america
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
