you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
