So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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