I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
