Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
