worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
