I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
